Germans Can Now Fly Nude

This according to a news article by AFP regarding naked air travel to fill the void of a popular East German naturist holiday. It seems that under communist rule, East Germans would excitedly spend a holiday naked. An airline is trying to capitalize on this by offering a naked flight on July 5, 2008.

Apparently, I have been living under a rock. Public education has failed me once again, or maybe it was the shenanigans of my youth that overwrote that memory. Either way, I am both intrigued and scared by this. Intrigued by the fact that communist controlled East Germany celebrated a nude holiday, and scared because, "Is there an age limit on this flight?" This is definitely one for the imagination.

Writers' Strike = Viewers' Strike

The writers strike has finally angered me. At first I thought it was great, "yeah, stick it to the studio." Now, as a television viewer, I am getting tired of re-run city. Usually, I am the first to advocate turning off the TV. I drone on to my wife, "Lets play some video games, or watch a movie or fucking sit and stare at a blank television screen like some avant garde experiment." However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that without viewers like you and me, neither the studio nor the writers would have a job.

So, I propose that we as viewers strike from watching television. This is a great opportunity for Americans to speak up. If the writers' union has power to negotiate a better financial deal, we as viewers have power to change television content, crap-vertising, billing, etc... We are the ones paying to watch old content. Why not cut the cable and use your money to purchase the DVD season of your favorite shows. I personally pay over $100 bones a month for the latest and greatest that satellite has to offer. Over the course of 2 or 3 months I could invest in various content and create my own television programming and avoid being subjected to another f**king pharmaceutical ad that claims to finally fix my aliment at the cost of anal leakage, dry mouth, and mild hysteria.

CUT THE CABLE!!!!!!!!!(shacking fist in air)

Do Not Call List, That's What You Think

When the DNC was created several years ago I was in the middle of completing my marketing degree. I personally felt that it was the answer to everyone's near harassment level of telemarketing spam. Prior to the list, I would receive anywhere from 3-5 "unavailable" calls per night. It was annoying to say the least and led to my telephone aversion. In fact, now when my phone rings I overlook it as if some sort of background noise.

I am here to tell you that this Do Not Call List is barely adequate at preventing solicitation. There are many loop-holes (go figure) that allow telemarketers to call you even if you are on the DNC. I learned while working at a market research firm that random dialing machines are exempt from the DNC. This means that if your number is on the DNC and bought by a third party as part of thousands of telephone numbers, inserted into a database, and dialed randomly, that you can be called.

Also, if you sign up for something like a magazine subscription or have service done to your A/C unit then an affiliate of that organization can distibute your number to a sales lead department to call and sell you more magazines or A/C filters or warranty services.

So, today I stumbled on a link reminding people of the Do Not Call List. I felt that it may be important to remind readers that the list is more like a Mostly Do Not Call List.

MP3 Taser.......um What?

via Arizona Republic

Whether it is the weirdest product featured at this years CES or the latest weapon marketed to women (like a pink 9 mm), the new Taser MPH is hilarious, but I am not sure if it sends the right message.

The idea that a fashion accessory could help protect you is good. Listening to the latest "Boom-Boom Nasty" remix when you should be alert to potential dangers is bad. In fact, worst case scenario is an assailant uses your Taser on you. Thusly, producing that truly euphoric GHB club experience.

So I ask you, "Is Taser International promoting the recreational use of Tasers, or are they condoning arming every citizen?"

Either way I envision a future where people get off on casual electrocution, kids chase down transients in the park and retail stores become the front line of the Nu:American War (quick dive behind the lipstick display there is a family of 4 ahead of us in line).

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Fiesta Bowl Hooligans

Yesterday, I went to the Fiesta Bowl. Growing up in Western PA had made me a fan of WVU and it was exciting to see the win. What was not fun were the 780 drunk morons around me. I have been to many Steeler games, but this was my first college experience. Maybe I failed to reach the drunk plateau of my fellow fan, but this crowd was rowdy.

As the exchange of insults flowed, ranging from "Go Home-ineers" to "You Bastards lost that one bowl game in 1987." Eventually tempers mounted and security got involved. In my section alone at least 6 people were removed from the game. Some threw cups at each other, some were plotting that ever famous after the game sneak attack, yet there I sat wondering what sort of weaponry I could have smuggled in to neutralize both parties. A taser gun maybe, or 30 canned air horns (IDK).

I could not stop thinking how funny it was. Pay $120 for a ticket, $50 for a parking pass and drive 20 hours from Oklahoma to Phoenix and get thrown out of the game in the 2nd quarter for believing the drunk football fallacy that you can influence the games results by beating the hell out of another fan.

My favorite incident occurred toward the end when a large farm boy from Oklahoma (we'll call him Jumbo), who after hours of grunting football chants to that one other obliterated fan 17 rows behind us, got mixed up in the isle with a passing fan. This particular fan was a skinny little emo kid wearing a pretty white hoody and white hat with matching graffiti pattern on them. He seemed to think that repeating the statement, "Now you a tough guy," to Jumbo was a good idea. Well, Jumbo had his way. Up over two seats like Jack Flash and the jackal had its prey. Lucky for whitey that several fans and Jumbos father broke it up (security then thought they should both leave).

Here is my advice for attending bowl games.

Go staggering or go heavy... or maybe just some ear plugs