School Suspension for Baggy Pants

According to a recent Reuters article students in Tallahassee schools could be suspended for wearing baggy jeans. The bill passed the Florida Senate, but is awaiting its day in the House.

As I read this article it occurred to me that we, as a society, must really be living the utopian dream if the most pressing issue in Florida is school kids expressing themselves by wearing over-sized pants.

I have an idea. How about a bill to mandate 15 year old girls from dressing like Las Vegas call girls.

Orlando Sen. Gary Siplin, who introduced the bill, stated that, "the fashion statement has a back-story -- it was made popular by rap artists after first appearing among prison inmates as a signal they were looking for sex."

This may be true. However, I believe that the "fashion statement" came from African American prison inmates protesting being poorly fed. Not to mention that kids have been wearing baggy pants for over 10 years.

Siplin also said, "All we're trying to do now is trying to inform folks that we have a fad now that does not have a very good origination." And this measure is intended to, "help students get jobs and a degree."

I thought it was the crappy education system that was intended to help students get jobs and a degree. Although, there are a lot of corporate ass kissers who have succeeded in life by dressing like their bosses. Maybe Siplin is on to something. Drop out of school, dress like a banker and bullshit your way into a 6 figure salary.

Sup wit dat?

Drive-Thru on a Horse

Yesterday, while driving through a neighborhood, I debated with my wife, the significance of a horse being ridden down the road in front of us. I claimed that as our society evolves and technology becomes more prevalent, seeing people riding horses in public places will become legend. Our children's children will think it laughable that one would use an animal as transportation. Sure, there will always be cowboys, circuses and zoos to keep the horse culture alive, but the thought of purposely riding a horse will elude most of us.

The day of horses continued. On the drive home, which was 25 miles or so, we saw one of the greatest things ever. In line at the drive-thru liquor and cellphone store was a man on a horse. The fact that this store is uniquely odd, at best, is another story. A man on a horse waiting in a line of cars is a wonderful sight. My wife and I yelled encouragement out the car window as we laughed our asses off. It was truly great.

Zicam Psychedelic Reaction

I recently started working at a new office, and was fortunate enough to get sick on my second day. My wife is usually the sick one, so we have an extensive array of products from odd homeopathic tinctures to the traditional big brand cure-alls.

In an effort to fight my cold I tried Zicam nasal spray. It was my first time using it and I thought, "It's a spray, put it in your nose and inhale." The first 30 seconds brought some relief leading me to believe that Zicam was actually a good product. However, as the next 2-3 minutes passed my head began to tingle, and I started feeling dizzy to the point where I might pass out. The tingle escalated to a full burn as I began contemplating my demise. I ran to the bathroom to try and hackup and washout any residual medicine. A sore formed on the inside of my cheeck. I looked in the mirror and say blue flashes. I thought for sure that I was either going to "break on through to the other side," or fall down and lose consciousness.

I sat down to ride out the storm, and eventually my condition improved. My wife, who is a health care worker, began investigating this reaction. I then came to find out that the magical Zicam is not to be inhaled, but merely misted in the nasal passage only. I suppose that is what you get for not reading the directions.

Germans Can Now Fly Nude

This according to a news article by AFP regarding naked air travel to fill the void of a popular East German naturist holiday. It seems that under communist rule, East Germans would excitedly spend a holiday naked. An airline is trying to capitalize on this by offering a naked flight on July 5, 2008.

Apparently, I have been living under a rock. Public education has failed me once again, or maybe it was the shenanigans of my youth that overwrote that memory. Either way, I am both intrigued and scared by this. Intrigued by the fact that communist controlled East Germany celebrated a nude holiday, and scared because, "Is there an age limit on this flight?" This is definitely one for the imagination.

Writers' Strike = Viewers' Strike

The writers strike has finally angered me. At first I thought it was great, "yeah, stick it to the studio." Now, as a television viewer, I am getting tired of re-run city. Usually, I am the first to advocate turning off the TV. I drone on to my wife, "Lets play some video games, or watch a movie or fucking sit and stare at a blank television screen like some avant garde experiment." However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that without viewers like you and me, neither the studio nor the writers would have a job.

So, I propose that we as viewers strike from watching television. This is a great opportunity for Americans to speak up. If the writers' union has power to negotiate a better financial deal, we as viewers have power to change television content, crap-vertising, billing, etc... We are the ones paying to watch old content. Why not cut the cable and use your money to purchase the DVD season of your favorite shows. I personally pay over $100 bones a month for the latest and greatest that satellite has to offer. Over the course of 2 or 3 months I could invest in various content and create my own television programming and avoid being subjected to another f**king pharmaceutical ad that claims to finally fix my aliment at the cost of anal leakage, dry mouth, and mild hysteria.

CUT THE CABLE!!!!!!!!!(shacking fist in air)

Do Not Call List, That's What You Think

When the DNC was created several years ago I was in the middle of completing my marketing degree. I personally felt that it was the answer to everyone's near harassment level of telemarketing spam. Prior to the list, I would receive anywhere from 3-5 "unavailable" calls per night. It was annoying to say the least and led to my telephone aversion. In fact, now when my phone rings I overlook it as if some sort of background noise.

I am here to tell you that this Do Not Call List is barely adequate at preventing solicitation. There are many loop-holes (go figure) that allow telemarketers to call you even if you are on the DNC. I learned while working at a market research firm that random dialing machines are exempt from the DNC. This means that if your number is on the DNC and bought by a third party as part of thousands of telephone numbers, inserted into a database, and dialed randomly, that you can be called.

Also, if you sign up for something like a magazine subscription or have service done to your A/C unit then an affiliate of that organization can distibute your number to a sales lead department to call and sell you more magazines or A/C filters or warranty services.

So, today I stumbled on a link reminding people of the Do Not Call List. I felt that it may be important to remind readers that the list is more like a Mostly Do Not Call List.

MP3 Taser.......um What?

via Arizona Republic

Whether it is the weirdest product featured at this years CES or the latest weapon marketed to women (like a pink 9 mm), the new Taser MPH is hilarious, but I am not sure if it sends the right message.

The idea that a fashion accessory could help protect you is good. Listening to the latest "Boom-Boom Nasty" remix when you should be alert to potential dangers is bad. In fact, worst case scenario is an assailant uses your Taser on you. Thusly, producing that truly euphoric GHB club experience.

So I ask you, "Is Taser International promoting the recreational use of Tasers, or are they condoning arming every citizen?"

Either way I envision a future where people get off on casual electrocution, kids chase down transients in the park and retail stores become the front line of the Nu:American War (quick dive behind the lipstick display there is a family of 4 ahead of us in line).

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