Best Costco Trip Every (almost)

Everyone has a junk drawer or bag of forgotten about mail foraged away in some closet (right?). This story may be more about my inabilities to handle meaningless tasks or procrastination, but the end result was an exciting trip to Costco.

As an (ooh-lala) Executive Member of the shopping establishment 2% of your purchases are returned to you in the form of a Rewards Gift Certificate. For nearly 3 years these cash back incentives have been sent to me and placed in a drawer for later use. Later seemed to have never come and these certificates have gotten misplaced and faded from memory.

On a quest to clean out a box of "shreadables" I came across one of the certificates. Then realizing that there were several more hidden from my mind I eventually located them in various draws and bags around the house.

Later, I raced to the Costco, bought crap and was rewarded for my procrastination in the form of having cash handed to me for spending less than the certificates values. It was great.... I will relish in it for some more time.... Yay!!! Went to Costco and left with money :)

Funny Sign

Every once in a while you come across these little gems. This comes from Flagstaff, AZ next to a hotel.....

Engineer Your Environment

There are many life hacking, self-help concepts that float around the internet. I dreamed this up the other day, but I doubt it is a unique idea. None the less....

Throughout our lives we are subjected to mind dulling painful experiences that we would rather avoid. It might be standing in line at the local BuyCrap Mart, or spending an agonizing evening with the in-laws. The idea of Engineering Your Environment would involve avoiding the painful things in life by rearranging the event. Simply find a solution that is both acceptable to fulfill your goals as well as the potential reason for engaging in the unwanted experience. Example #1, you hate standing in lines, solution: buy on-line or enlist the help of a friend. Example# 2, you hate going to the in-laws house for long dinners, solution: show up before dinner and leave early, run an errand vacation, "Oh I'll be right back I have to...(find the local pub)," or involve yourself in distraction tasks before getting consumed with misery like fixing that leaky faucet or walking the over-weight dog.

This holiday season will be the perfect chance to practice Engineering Your Environment

-be flexible by reacting to the situation
-be creative, seize the opportunity
-be prepared, don't forget tools

Good Luck!

possible survival kit

Random Christmas Thought

To me Christmas becomes more of a hassle each year. And each year I bitch about consumerism, materialism, failing U.S. fiscal policy being supported by greed and anything else that I can blame on Christmas (Yes, a Scrooge-like anger is central to my being).

This year is no different. In November, my wife and I decided that wasting money buying crappy trinkets is pointless, and that the meaning of December 25th is no longer about family or religion or cookies, but money. We as consumers, friends, family, coworkers, etc... have been conditioned to jump into the air and buy anything during the winter shopping season. Many of us fear that plaque of judgment that will be cast on us for not buying the most expensive or desirable gift. We run around in a panic, sitting in traffic, waiting in line, hoping that we can grab the lasted and greatest before our fellow man.

I do have a point here; it is our social conditioning. As I mentioned, this Christmas was supposed to be the one where no one received anything but a kind smile and a 15 second lecture on why Christmas is the devil. However, its grasp is too deep. As the day gets closer and more stories are related about friends buying, and children crying, my wife and I slowly cave to the pressure. "Oh, what about little Taco and Siouxsie? "They are kids and have a belief in Christmas that fuels their fantasy." "Dammit," I thought because this point is valid.

Here I sit complaining about Christmas and feeling the pressure to produce much like an awkward teenage love fest in the back of a mini van.

So I say to you all, "Go out and buy everything, and work 200 hrs of overtime to pay off that credit card, Yeah, it will be merry in June too!"

Blah!

Hey Ho..., or Yo Ho, or um,... Ho, Ho, Ho!

It is official, Santa Claus, Ol' Jolly Kris Kringle, can no longer say "Ho, Ho, Ho." Apparently, "Ho" is too similar to "Hoe" and could be poorly interpreted by women.

Next we will be calling ducks, little swimmy things, and asses, donkeys (oh wait we already do that). Maybe now the tiny hit in baseball will no longer be called a bunt. Nope, that is too close to you know, "c" um well, "u" ahhh, "n"t, or something that starts with "c" and rhythms with hunt.

As a matter of fact, any word that can be loosely associated with, related to, is synonymous with, can be rearranged in any format to represent, sound like, or infer meaning of a possibly offensive word should be replaced with "aaaaahhhhhh", or "ugh." Let's take it back to the stone age where we grunt and throw things to express ourselves. And anyone who is offended gets waked over the FU*KING head.

View the article at Reuters

Clinton PR Stunt?

"Madman storms New Hampshire Clinton campaign office," the news is claiming. This turn of events is of weird timing and ill preparation (on the madman's part).

There are two pieces of this puzzle that are particularly obfuscatory. First, the Clinton campaign has been in the press for possibly feeding questions to audience members during the past two Democratic debates. Now a road-flare wearing "bomber" has taken over one of her offices. Interesting twist of events. My favorite part is a quote from police Maj. Michael Hambrook on Rawstory.com stating that, "the potential for harm to those hostages is high." Major media outlets eat up this kind of dribble (and so do the [painful to write] majority of Americans).

Second, for those of us crazies out there, are we to believe that a man with the capacity to build a bomb, strap it to himself, plan an attack, and execute it, would do so on a day when Hilary Clinton is somewhere in Virginia (so my carrier pigeons have reported). This is doubtful to say the least.

We are smarter than this. It is painfully obvious. PR tactics work, and Senator Clinton with be a national hero before this is over......

Suicide Bomber Barbie

Buy Nothing Day

Adbuster.org

Happy Turkey Day

As much as I enjoy eating the tasty bird, it is hard for me to enjoy the mass slaughter of turkeys. According to farmsanctuary.org nearly 50 million turkeys are slaughtered for Thanksgiving. I suppose I could rant about the the cultural impact of our society and how this is just one example of our gigantic foot print. Instead I will reserve myself for another day, and prepare for the gluttonous ritual that is Thanksgiving.

Enjoy some Adam Sandler

Save the World Like a Pirate

Imagine that today, off the cost of somewhereabatouy a magestic sea captain is plotting the intercept of an enemy ship. Armed with a giant can-opener like spear attached to an aging ship that looks like a giant killer whale, Captain Paul Watson and the crew of the Farley Mowat would love nothing better than to sink a whale poacher.

I for one, enjoy thinking of a world where voyages across icy seas with intent to sink another vessel exists. Save the world like a PIRATE !

Seashepherd.org

Wrap Your Old Drugs in Crap

As many of us have old pharmaceuticals lying around, we must inevitably decide how to rid ourselves of their burden. Right now, skeezy addicts are roaming the streets looking for the next house to find Darvaset. It is like Night of the Living Dead out there. Blister lipped, jaundice looking lay-abouts are knocking over garbage cans all over town. Wait a minute, "what's that noise?!" There is no time, you must act quickly!

from the Office of National Drug Control Policy

- Mixing prescription drugs with an undesirable substance, such as used coffee grounds or kitty litter, and putting them in impermeable, non-descript containers, such as empty cans or sealable bags, will further ensure the drugs are not diverted.

All I have to say is, "Maaannnn, beware of the brown oxy's."

SeeqPod: Music on Demand?

Who cares about sliced bread when you have SEEQPOD.COM. It is a "playable search" engine that scours the web for music, video and podz.

I love the music feature. Search for some of your favorite chip tunes, create a playlist and Ka-Whamm, you have jukebox-on-demand.

This is what internet music is supposed to be like. Now, I may not have to pose as an 8 yr old from Singapore, to hide from the RIAA, when I am downloading backup copies of my CDs that got lost in the couch.

Get over there and try it, puny earth creature!


SeeqPod Music beta - Playable Search

Exxtreme Commerse

Load Ringtones on Verizon Phone with V-Cast

This is by no means a comprehensive guide. There are plenty of resources available that explain how to edit and convert audio files. Here is a good place to start; Life Hacker. Following the instruction on Life Hacker (or technically wired.com) should prepare you to upload your new ring tone. In my opinion, this is where further explanation is needed.

Some forums will tell you that personal ringtones cannot be loaded onto V-Cast enabled phones, they are wrong.

Step 1:
-After your Gansta-Gansta rmx is prepped, upload it to your pictures and messaging account (picture.vzw.com)
-One important technical note is that the sample must be .wav format recorded at 22050 Hz and less than 3MB in size (or no upload for you)

Step 2:
-Within the pix account, after the tune is uploaded, send the new file to your phone number

Step 3:
-From your cell, download tune message and while in preview of message select "Options" > "Save as Ringtone"

Step 4:
-Laugh manically


*Other Explanation*
The Life Hacker instruction directs the creation of an .mp3 file. Some phones can handle .mp3 playback. Due to certain agreements with record labels, not all .mp3's can be ringtones, though. This is why .wav (22050 Hz) must be created. Other sites also mention converting to SMAF format, which may have also worked prior to V-Cast integration. If you are interested here is a great free converter (from the author of this format) Yamaha SMAF Global.

Finally, Audacity is a great free, open source sound editor, and can be downloaded HERE. One nice feature is the ability to zoom into note level. Then you can change your favorite masterpiece into "gobbly- gook." fun!

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Dick Cheney as Darth Hater

It may seem to the untrained eye that Vice President Cheney dressed his dogs up for Halloween. To those "in the know," slithery shape shifters often possess special powers of animal transformation. We are on to you Dick.....

photo via ABC News

Why Should Exxon Pay?

It has recently come to my attention that the once $5 billion fine imposed on Exxon for a tiny amount of oil that "accidentally" dripped into Alaska's Prince William Sound, has been reduced to $2.5 billion over the last ten years, and now stands to be absolved. (BBC News article)

Why should Exxon have to pay? The accident only occurred because the ship's captain was drunk, and not too mention, it was back in 1989. Sure, maybe 300,000 sea birds died, 3,000 seals, a whale or two, blah blah billions of salmon and herring eggs, but I ask you, are any of these McDonald's meats; NO.

Actually, some of us would love to have a few million gallons of oil readily available for free. That's right, with a few plastic bottles you could start a very lucrative business selling oil to all your friends.

ALL RISE!

WWW.EXXPOSEEXXON.ORG

Mobile Blog: Watch for Monsters

Alcohol Queen of Australia

Men have been crushing beer cans on their head since the advent of the hand. I have witnessed this cranium can destruction, and am often left with the thought, "Dam, that can't be good for the head." The entertainment for me, is laughing internally at the overweight, high school football has-been doing his best to pick up the ladies.

Yesterday, I found an article on Rawtory.com which came from the wire service AFP. The story was written about an Australian barmaid who got fined for smashing beer cans with her breast.

My first reaction was, "A fine for smashing a beer can with a breast is ridiculous." This should be advertised by the Australian Tourism Board, and commended by world leaders. I then began to question the physical possibility of such an act.

Well my friends, YouTube have come through again. Enjoy! (it's PG-ish)



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Tokyo Traffic God Delivers Toilet

Whether you are a NASCAR driver, or need to release the reserves while crossing the Rockies, many people might consider dropping a few yen (or dollars) for the freedom to make potty while driving.

According to a news story by Reuters, "Japan's Kaneko Sangyo Co. has developed the loo for you." Yes, a tiny collapsible cardboard human litter box is soon to be on store shelves everywhere.

However, I can not stop thinking about sitting in a traffic jam next to "relievers". In fact, this is America land of the free, right? So, portable toilet could translate into, "get out of my way or I will crap you (literally)."

It will be interesting to see if the "Porta-Loo", or "Poo-in-a-Loo" gains popularity here in the States. I can already see the bumper stickers "I crap beside people like you," and "Not takin any crap today"....Well this is a funny story, and its humor endless.

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spiders a'hoy

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Black Widow

Recently had an exterminator come and "neutralize" the overwhelming number of black widow spiders that seem to thrive on my property. As much as it pains me to kill them, the alternative, keeping them alive, scares the crap out of me.

Let me put this into perspective for you. One female spider can produce up to 4 egg sacs per year. Each sac can contain 400-600 little ones. At any one time I can have 2-5 webs in the back yard. Not to mention the front, side, neighbours, community, ugh. The breeding power of these spiders is amazing.

I have become a self proclaimed expert, studying them over the past two years. After, the exterminator came, I decided to harvest a dead spider for a specimen (maybe to gift my father). The spider looked dead for 4 days (curled up; lifeless).

Today, when I walked by its jar home it was fully erect, legs extended like tiny grandma fingers. I am still amazed, and left with a dilemma, do I let it go since it obviously came back from the dead, keep it in the glass prison, or finish the job?